1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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