Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
