okay pat passed out under dana's car
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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