Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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(845): View more from New York

you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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(317): View more from Indiana

Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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(415): View more from California

I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.

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(815): View more from Illinois

so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.

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