If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
