It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
