but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
