I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
