You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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