I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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