is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
