the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
