Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're too hungover to prance.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
