Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
