someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
