I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
