That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
