ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
