i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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