dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
