Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
