Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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