Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
