OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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