i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
