I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
