I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
