I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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