just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
