four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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