I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
