O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sext me about skeletons
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
