Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
