so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
