And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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