dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
