I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
