I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
