Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
