I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
