Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
