If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
