If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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