I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
