um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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