Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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