They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
