Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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