Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
