Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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