Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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