Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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