I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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