even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
