I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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