Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cannot find my penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
