Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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