I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
