we're chasing vodka with high fives
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
