i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
