I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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