Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
