my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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