1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
