Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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  (586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (545)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up

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  (312): Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up http://tfl.nu/cco3
  Replies (20) Good night (3180) Bad night (928)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.

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  (484): there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself. http://tfl.nu/ays9
  Replies (34) Good night (941) Bad night (6654)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

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  (509): im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid http://tfl.nu/xma9
  Replies (48) Good night (7827) Bad night (834)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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  (817): So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/gzma
  Replies (27) Good night (1139) Bad night (4270)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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  (540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7
  Replies (24) Good night (7886) Bad night (1561)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

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  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5828) Bad night (1122)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.

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  (303): Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize. http://tfl.nu/r92i
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (869)
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  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

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  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (20) Good night (3530) Bad night (1011)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

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  (740): He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work" http://tfl.nu/lj9u
  Replies (6) Good night (3615) Bad night (740)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.

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  (617): I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me. http://tfl.nu/t0zt
  Replies (4) Good night (2558) Bad night (688)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.

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  (440): Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature. http://tfl.nu/1n60
  Replies (6) Good night (621) Bad night (335)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?

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  (804): What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date? http://tfl.nu/5g3w
  Replies (4) Good night (404) Bad night (620)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth

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  (301): I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth http://tfl.nu/nt7d
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (374)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places

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  (203): Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places http://tfl.nu/gjgx
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (186)

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