loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
