I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize