if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
