i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
