Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pray to the hookup gods
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
