I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
