You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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