If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
