Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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