trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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