you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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