if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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