News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
